Bisexual people are plain selfish.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
