how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize