I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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