Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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