omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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