I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
