I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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