the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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