operation harelip BJ is a go
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
