I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
