so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
