I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
