He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
