i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
