Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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