Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
