My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
