Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think I won the penis lottery.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
