Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
