My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
