I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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