if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
