I could have mohawked her pubes.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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