My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
