Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
