By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
