she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
