well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
