what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
