Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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