Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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