Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
