I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
