There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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