you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
