the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
