I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
