turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
