OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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