I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize