we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
