Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
