the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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