foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
