Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think people are normalizing furries
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
