i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
