Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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