That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
