Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
