I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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