Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
