Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
