Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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