Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
