im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
