i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
