My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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