My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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