so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
