Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
