Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
