This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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