if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize