escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
