If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
