it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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